we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
