That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
