i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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