it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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