All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
