Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
