im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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