I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
