Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
