They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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