Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
