Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
