I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I didn't notice because vodka
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
