you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
