I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
