She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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