your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
