My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
