didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
