I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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