I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
