I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
