I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
