God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
