If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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