Plan B is the new Plan A
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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