omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
