his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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