I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
