you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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