Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
