does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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