Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize