There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
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