is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
