Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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