he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
