you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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