new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
