I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
