At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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