My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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