You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
