The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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