I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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