So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
