Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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