My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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