Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
