I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
