How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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