I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
