How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
