"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
