But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Porn is love you can see.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
