I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
