____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you would pick up someone in the library
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
