she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
and she was petting her beer can
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize