Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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