I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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