one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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