bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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