Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
