Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
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