So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just sent this text using only my big toe
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
