he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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