You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
