Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
