mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
