I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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