You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
