The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
